A note on Self-talk
How do you talk to yourself? Are you kind and fair? Are you harsh and critical? If the people that love you heard your self-talk, what would they say?
Self-talk, our internal monologue which narrates our inner experience, varies greatly from person to person. This voice can be nurturing and supportive. This voice can be vicious and destructive.
The way we talk to ourselves matters. It influences how we feel. It impacts our beliefs. It shapes our experiences.
There is an old Cherokee legend. The legend goes that a wise man was sharing a story to a young person. The story goes like this:
We each have two voices inside of us. We have a good wolf and a bad wolf. The two wolves are always competing for power and influence over us. The young person asks, who wins? The wise man responds, the one we feed.
We have the power to take active control over our self-talk and decide how we want to talk to and treat ourselves. Just as we get to decide how we talk to and treat others. If we don’t make a conscious decision, with intention, that inner voice will be influenced by forces outside of our control. The voice will be influenced by experiences, caregivers, media, society etc.
A powerful example of how self-talk can negatively impact mental health comes from a popular media personality, Dr. Peter Attia. During the course of mental health treatment, it was brought to Dr. Attia’s attention that he had very harsh and critical self-talk. Dr. Attia described the voice as a berating coach that emphasized the negative and punished him mercilessly. The therapist that helped him discover this damaging self-talk also provided him with a tool to change it. The therapist advised that every time he noticed himself engaging in this type of destructive self-talk, he was to take out his phone and record a voice memo, speaking to himself as a friend he cared for and wanted to help. This was a frequent practice in the beginning as he was talking to himself in this manner often. The process was unfamiliar and challenging in the beginning, but he was dedicated. Over time, the need to do this became less and less as he started doing it naturally. Dr. Attita shared that in the period of 3-5 months (at the age of 45!), he completely changed the words and tone he used when talking to himself. He was kind, supportive, and fair. This shift had a dramatic, positive impact on his mental health. Dr. Attita found this shocking: that he could talk to himself in one way for so many years, yet through consistent intentional effort his self-talk could be and was transformed.
Anyone can do this. With active, intentional, efforts we can shift the voice in our head from the “bad wolf”, the “inner-critic” to the “good wolf”, the “inner-nurturer”. It takes effort and it won’t be comfortable, but it will be helpful and it will improve the quality of our lives and the lives of those around us.
This is a cost free mental health intervention that can be practiced daily. It is helpful to say the words out loud. The more we can be mindful of this, and intervene, the better our self-talk can become. Feed the good wolf.
-Robbie
An Introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of psychotherapy that combines mindfulness techniques with behavioral strategies. It encourages individuals to accept negative thoughts and emotions, while committing to actions that align with their values. Unlike traditional cognitive-behavioral approaches, ACT focuses on the process of acceptance and the pursuit of a meaningful life, rather than solely trying to change or get rid of distressing thoughts and feelings.
ACT has been shown to be effective in treating a variety of mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, and trauma-related disorders. One of the core principles of ACT is that suffering is a normal part of the human experience, and it is the avoidance and struggle with these uncomfortable experiences that often leads to psychological distress.
Instead of trying to control or eliminate distressing thoughts and emotions, ACT encourages individuals to develop psychological flexibility. This means being able to adapt to the ongoing changes in thoughts and emotions, and actively engaging in behaviors that are in line with one's values and life goals.
Three Psychological Skills from ACT
1. Acceptance: The first psychological skill from ACT is acceptance. It involves acknowledging and allowing difficult thoughts and emotions to arise, without judgment or the need to change or avoid them. In ACT, individuals learn to observe their thoughts and emotions as passing events, without getting caught up or fused with them. This acceptance of inner experiences helps individuals to reduce the struggle with their thoughts and emotions, leading to a greater sense of psychological well-being.
2. Defusion: Another key component of ACT is defusion, which aims to help individuals create distance from their thoughts and emotions. Rather than getting entangled in the content of their thoughts, individuals learn to see thoughts as just words or images passing through their mind. By defusing from the thoughts, individuals can see their thoughts as mental events that do not necessarily reflect reality, thus reducing their impact on emotions and behavior.
3. Values Clarification and Committment: The third psychological skill is values clarification and commitment to action. ACT emphasizes the importance of identifying and connecting with one's authentic values, as these values provide guidance and purpose in life. Through values clarification exercises, individuals can gain clarity on what truly matters to them and make decisions and take actions that align with their values. This process of committing to actions that are in line with one's values can contribute to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in life.
ACT offers a unique and valuable approach to addressing mental health concerns. Rather than solely focusing on symptom reduction, ACT provides individuals with an empowering framework to navigate the complexities of their internal experiences. By embracing acceptance and developing psychological flexibility, individuals can cultivate greater resilience and lead a more meaningful life.
ACT can be particularly helpful when traditional cognitive-behavioral interventions have not been fully effective or when individuals find themselves in a constant struggle with distressing thoughts and emotions. By teaching clients the skills of acceptance, defusion, and values-based commitment, therapists can support their clients in building a more flexible and adaptive relationship with their internal experiences.
ACT provides a powerful framework to support clients on their journey towards psychological flexibility and a more meaningful life.
Breathing and Emotional Regulation
Breathing, an automatic bodily function, has long been associated with our physical well-being. However, recent research has revealed its profound connection to our emotional regulation as well. Understanding this relationship can offer valuable insights into how we can use breathing techniques to manage our emotions effectively. This essay will explore the crucial link between breathing and emotional regulation, discussing how conscious breathing techniques can regulate the central nervous system and help manage emotions. Additionally, it will provide one simple breathing technique that can be implemented to promote emotional balance.
Breathing and emotions share a close connection through the autonomic nervous system, which governs our body's unconscious functions. The autonomic nervous system consists of two branches: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The SNS activates the body's "fight or flight" response during times of stress or danger, whereas the PNS promotes rest, relaxation, and the body's return to a state of equilibrium.
Deep, controlled breathing has been found to directly influence the functioning of the autonomic nervous system. By consciously altering our breath, we can activate the PNS's calming effects, reducing anxiety and stress levels. Conversely, shallow and rapid breathing can trigger the SNS's stress response, exacerbating negative emotions.
When we intentionally engage in slow, deep breaths, we stimulate the PNS and activate its relaxation response. This response is a crucial aspect of emotional regulation as it counteracts the physiological manifestations of stress, such as increased heart rate, shallow breathing, and muscle tension.
Deep breathing triggers the vagus nerve, a key component of the PNS, to send signals to the brain, promoting relaxation and dampening emotional arousal. As a result, our central nervous system becomes more balanced, fostering a sense of calmness and emotional stability.
One effective and simple breathing technique for emotional regulation is the 4-7-8 breathing method. This technique incorporates mindful breath control and can be practiced anytime, anywhere. It involves the following steps:
1. Find a comfortable position and relax your body.
2. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4, filling your abdomen with air.
3. Hold your breath for a count of 7, allowing the oxygen to circulate throughout your body.
4. Exhale fully through pursed lips for a count of 8, releasing any tension or negative emotions.
By repeating these steps for a few cycles, you activate the PNS, decrease heart rate, and promote deep relaxation. This technique can be particularly helpful during moments of increased stress, anxiety, or overwhelming emotions. Engaging in this intentional breathing pattern can redirect your focus, regulate your emotional response, and restore a state of balance.
The relationship between breathing and emotional regulation is a profound one, as conscious breath control can directly influence our autonomic nervous system, thus impacting our emotional state. By practicing simple breathing techniques such as the 4-7-8 method, we can activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System, promoting relaxation and helping manage emotions. Understanding and utilizing this connection serves as a powerful tool for emotional regulation, providing an effective means to navigate life's challenges, reduce stress, and cultivate emotional agility.